I was in spin today remembering the Thanksgiving after my first round of IVF. A week before Thanksgiving, I learned that I was no longer pregnant.
I expected to go into that holiday dinner so proud that I would not be able to drink and excited to talk to my family about finally being pregnant. Instead of felt lost.
And then the month of holiday cards with everyone else’s kids started rolling in. With every card I taped to my fridge, I felt worried wondering what was wrong with my body for IVF not to work and if I was ever going to have a holiday card to share that didn’t just include my dog.
Fertility issues suck. Fertility issues suck worse during special occasions such as baby showers, family reunions, and holidays.
During these times, there are constant reminders that your life is not what you dreamed it would be like right now.
So, with the holidays coming up, I wanted to give you some tools to make this holiday season the best one you have had since learning you have fertility issues.
The key is to anticipate all of the insensitive and unhelpful things that people are going to do and say and know how to respond.
You have probably already heard of a lot of the insensitive and unhelpful things that people say.
My favorite is always when women without fertility issues have solutions like, “Relax, and it will happen just like my friend who….blah blah blah.”
Even now when I tell people what I do for a living, I get advice on what I should tell you which is always, “Just relax.” My knee-jerk reaction when I hear that is to punch that person in the boob, but I stop myself.
So let’s get to how to handle.
First, anticipate what you are going to hear when you go somewhere and from whom. You can even make this into a game with your partner called, “Who Asked the Worst Question?” You can compare notes at the end of the night. So, when the insensitive or unhelpful questions come up, you will be excited to share and will laugh a lot about it later.
Next, have a response ready for the people you will encounter. If you want some of my favorite answers, here is a blog I did call, “Absurd and Embarrassing Responses to IVF Comments.”
And yes, I have used most of those answers.
And then there are social media outlets, or as I like to call it, “The Worst Thing EVER For Someone with Fertility Issues.”
If you feel badly looking at it, take the app off your phone for at least a week before the holiday and a week after or completely. Anyone who has stopped social media for specific reasons or certain times or completely has loved the benefits from it.
And last, the biggest and best step that you can take so that you can enter your holidays feeling confident and empowered knowing that your perfect baby is coming very soon is to reach out to me for help.
Sending you so much love this holiday season.
About Tasha Blasi