It’s the holidays so you know what that means?!
Pregnancy announcements. Everywhere. Yup, that’s what us infertility folk think of when we think of the holidays.
There you will be, just enjoying your day and unsuspectingly jump on social media and bam, first thing you see is an ultrasound. It hits you right in the gut. You don’t have that. You don’t know when you’ll ever have that.
And then you realize the couple has been together half, or a quarter as long as you have. Sometimes, you realize they met after you were well into TTC. Then you get angry. Why do they get a baby? Were they even trying?
Then possibly, you may read the announcement and they may say “oops” or “we weren’t trying” or “happened so fast” or “only took one month.” You’d be surprised how many announcements I’ve read that give away that in depth info. NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW HOW LONG, OR RATHER HOW QUICKLY IT TOOK YOU TO GET PREGNANT. We get it, you’re fertile. Hence, the baby. No need to add in depth detail.
It annoys the heck out of me. And it honestly does a disservice to all women out there. It sets up unrealistic expectations. I’ve met some women who think 1-2 months is normal and anything beyond that is problematic. Why, I asked? Because that’s how long it took all their friends. Nope, nope, noppity nope. The average time is 6-12 months. Period.
I’ve been actually doing pretty well just scrolling on by most pregnancy announcements and letting it roll off me. Until the holidays hit. I had forgotten. Silly me. But there are so. many. friggin. pumpkins. I’ve seen pumpkin fetus carvings, twin fetus carvings, mini pumpkins, mini pumpkins inside bigger pumpkins, ultrasounds on pumpkins, and then some. And it happens every year. Obviously the holiday idea is cute, and I’m a bit jaded, but it’s been overdone times a zillion. I wish it would stop. Mostly I wish everyone else would stop and it would be my turn. Now that it’s November, the pumpkins have slowed down.
But now that it’s November, that means we get all the “food baby” announcements. Then comes Christmas with the present announcements and Christmas references and then New Years with the “new exciting year.” Clearly, I’m feeling a bit snippy right now.
But hey, of course every couple deserves to celebrate their pregnancy. And of course there’s always a part of us that is happy for them. But I just wish some announcements had a little more tact. And I also wish somehow we could get a warning and just avoid all social media. (At least Mother’s Day is a blatant warning which most of us avoid like the plague.) Because no matter how cute and amazing the couple is, no matter their story, it still stings.
I wish I could be 100% happy for everyone and not let it affect me. But I can’t. And that’s okay. Maybe I never will. I know many infertility survivors whose families are now complete and they even say after all this time the sting and trauma of it all is still there when they see pregnancy announcements. But hey, a couples gotta celebrate a baby, cuz that is freaking awesome.
We’re just insanely jealous and bitter is all.
PS. I posted this 2 hours ago. Already 2 more announcements. *Facepalm*